February 26th, 2009

Because I Wanted To

Leaning against the bar and sipping her Jack and Coke, Callie scoped out the crowd at Joe's for her favorite tall blonde.  Callie had texted Erica earlier, instructing Erica to come to Joe's after her shift.  Erica texted back she had a late surgery and would meet Callie afterwards.  To kill time during her insipid wait, Callie distracted herself by idly chatting with Yang and Izzie, before retreating back to the bar to get yet another drink.  Drink number three.  

Still no Erica.  Callie, naturally impatient, grew increasingly fussy each time she checked potential messages on her phone.  Callie doublechecked her phone was on and even triplechecked to ensure the battery wasn't dead.  Where the fuck is she?  Callie resented spending half her life waiting for Erica.  

Loudly slurping her third Jack and Coke, Callie vigilantly watched the entrance.  Then Callie very nearly choked. 

The earth skidded to a halt. 

Erica was here. 

Erica strided through the door, haloed by a car's headlights outside streaming through the door behind her.  Callie's previously-pissed heart melted at the sight of the badass cardio-genius shyly searching for Callie in the sea of sloshed doctors.  Callie stopped herself from waving like a lunatic, and opted to play it cool, still rankled that Erica had kept her waiting.  Callie enjoyed covertly watching Erica, focusing in on the curvy blonde.  The people populating the crowded bar automatically morphed into nebulous, faceless blobs and their choir of conversations was reduced to a muffled, unintelligible din.  Callie's girl was here. 

Eventually, Erica spotted Callie so-casually leaning against the bar, brazenly staring right back at Erica.  Erica smirked wickedly and sauntered to the opposite side of the bar.  They pretended they weren't there expressly to see the other woman. Erica ordered and paid for her wine, never taking her eyes off Callie.  Callie sustained Erica's penetrating gaze, never wavering. 

Erica spied an empty table and communicated with her eyes for Callie to rendezvous there.  Callie lazily pushed off the bar and swaggered over to Erica at the tiny round table.  Both women indulgently and unabashedly looked each other up and down, sizing each other up.  Callie slid onto the tall stool opposite Erica.  Saving herself from seeming too eager, Erica settled on a tiny, tight grin.  Both women waited for the other to speak, so their eyes did the talking, betraying their latent desires and soaring elation in the other's presence. 

Callie cleared her throat.  "Um...I'm sorry again about Mark.  It's not his fault.  It's my fault.  I know you're a private person.  It's just...I got excited...about you.  I am excited about you...about us?  I just...I think I lost a little bit of myself in my marriage.  I didn't know if I'd ever get excited about anyone ever again.  And it just feels really good...to want someone again.  I couldn't keep it to myself.  I'm sorry..."  Callie offered as penance the most endearing grimace Erica had ever witnessed.  Erica battled the resounding urge to climb over the table right then and thoroughly kiss away any apology from Callie's mind.  Erica only heard that Callie wanted her.  Firewords illuminated the night sky of Erica's long dormant heart.

Erica, too fearful to acknowledge her knee-jerk reaction and unable to articulate all she was feeling, resorted to a joke, a safer bet.  "I think I just hate him because he's seen you naked."  Erica feigned aggressive confidence to mask her raging vulnerability.  Erica did truly hate that Mark had seen Callie naked, presumably many times, while Erica had to suffice with stolen glances at Callie's cleavage.  Erica was now an expert at calculating the perfect vantage point for the most opulent view of Callie's breasts, whatever the situation.  Being a loyal fan of Callie's ass, Erica was mesmerized by the rhythmic sway of Callie's lush hips, leaving Erica to only imagine the glorious body under those tightest of jeans. 

Callie couldn't wrap her head around the words the Dr. Erica Hahn had just boldy admitted to her face.  Did the Dr. Erica Hahn just infer that she wanted to see Callie naked?  Callie's doe eyes popped, stunned, until her face dissolved into her signature megawatt smile, as she shook her head, pretending to disapprove of the randy behavior of the mischievous blonde minx.  Callie couldn't handle the intensity of Erica's lustful, hooded eyes, combined with Erica's wanting Callie unclothed, so she sought refuge in her drink, dunking random ice cubes with her straw.  

Now ashamed of her too-daring confession, Erica gulped her red wine.  That was too much.  There was a line and I crossed it.  I bulldozed right over the fucking line.  She can't even look at me now.  Goddamn it.  I'm a fucking idiot.  She just told her best friend she wanted to see her naked.  That's of a point of no return.  You don't come back from that. Erica timidly tilted her head up to see if Callie was still uncomfortably stirring her drink. 

Callie's stool was empty.  Erica's heart hiccuped.

Then Erica felt a soothing hand on her forearm.  Callie was now seated to her left, very purposefully invading Erica's space, their knees needlessly bumping under the table.   

While stirring her drink, Callie had peeked at Erica and decoded the melancholic regret in Erica's  eyes as Erica frantically drained her wine glass.  Erica's too obvious and painful humiliation, accompanied by a sexy blush, catapulted Callie off her stool to Erica's side.  Callie was learning too that she liked the world a whole lot better at Erica's side.

"Is it okay if I sit here?"  Callie flirted, leaning her elbows on the table, and rubbing a small circle on the inside of Erica's smooth wrist with her thumb.

Erica choked on her mouthful of wine and delicately put her wine glass on the table, before she dropped it with her shaky hands.   "Um...yeah.  Yeah...that's...fine."  Erica strangled the stem of her wine glass with both hands and contemplated its emptiness, wishing it were full again.  Erica wanted to drown in wine. 

Callie bit her lip, studying this fascinating dichotomy of a woman.  Erica oscillated between an authoritative, fearless warrior at work and the loveliest puddle of a girl in Callie's presence.  Callie's chief ambition in life was solving the riddle of Erica Hahn, whilst also gaining admittance into the blonde's pants.  Who was this sometimes ferocious, sometimes mousy, and always incredibly sexy woman?  Callie, captivated, leaned into Erica. "So...you've thought of me naked?"

"No!" Erica almost yelled, too emphatically, totally giving herself away.  Erica shook her head violently, until her serious, stern face gradually gave way to a guilty smile.  Erica found Callie's gleeful eyes, sensing it was okay to admit the truth, Callie wanted the truth.   "Okay...maybe?"  

"Maybe?  Maybe what?"  Callie begged for the truth, teasing it out of Erica.

"Maybe...yes?"  Erica cocked one eyebrow, admitting her private Callie-dreams to the woman who occupied her dreams.

Callie beamed, satisfied and proud.  "You have?  Since when...?  When did you start...wanting to see me naked...?"  Callie faintly ran one finger up and down Erica's forearm from the cushiony crook of Erica's elbow to her elegant wrist. 

Erica's pulse skyrocketed as Callie tickled her forearm.  Erica struggled to think coherently, having difficulty forming words when Callie was doing what she was doing. "Um...you know the day I met you?" 

"Ahhh...yeah?"  Callie tried to remember, lifting her chin in the air, trying to picture in her mind the day of Erica's fateful arrival to Seattle Grace.

"That day,"  Erica replied, deadpan.  Erica tried to defuse the erogenous energy of their proximity and  Callie's tantalizing touch with lame humor.  If Erica gave into the physiological effect Callie was having on her at that moment, they would be found out, what with Erica's tongue in Callie's mouth.  That was out of the question.  They had an audience.  They had to behave. 

"What?!"  Callie pounded the table with one fist, jostling the glasses. 

"No!  I don't know the exact date...just...for awhile."  Erica doodled her finger through some condensation on the tabletop.

Callie, infused by her growing infatuation for the blonde next to her, was discovering random details she had somehow been blind to.  No longer just the best friend, Erica was shiny and new to Callie.  How did Callie never notice how coltish and youthful Erica appeared when she was nervous,  which made Callie want to scoop Erica up in her arms?  Or how did Callie never notice the erotic geometry of Erica's clavicle and how it winked at Callie, half-hidden beneath Erica's loose-fitting shirt?  Callie had an inkling she was sitting next to the sexiest girl in the history of sex or girls.

"You want to dance?"  Callie, heard herself ask, not filtering her wish to have Erica's body moving against hers. 

"Here?  With you?"  Erica quickly swiveled her head around, identifying too many of their coworkers, all in various states of inebriation.  

"No, with Yang over there.  Yeah, with me!  I want to dance with you."  Callie surreptitiously snaked her leg around Erica's leg under the table and angled her upper body closer to Erica, her hot breathe on Erica's creamy cheek. 

Erica shook her head no, apologetically, her worried eyes downcast.  A few gold curls fell into her eyes and before Erica could hook them behind her ears, Callie reached over and lovingly fingered the curls before twining them behind Erica's ears, burning Erica's eyes with her own and smiling serenely. 

"Um...maybe later, okay?  I'm not drunk enough yet."  Erica picked up her empty glass and shrugged. 

"I'll go get you another drink!  I'll be right back!"  Callie lept off her stool, a blur of pearly teeth and swinging shiny, dark hair, not allowing Erica to object, and navigated her way to the bar.  Erica stalked Callie with her eyes the entire time, marveling at Callie's special brand of magic, her luminous glow.  Erica was a firefly to Callie's flame. 

"Here you go!"  Callie bounced back onto her stool, armed with two red wines and two shots. 

"Thanks."  Their hands purposefully touched as Callie handed Erica her wine, both knowing exactly what they were doing.  

Callie raised her glass cheerfully, "Drink up! I plan on getting you drunk and taking advantage of you,"  Callie threatened with a knowing, sly grin and a playful wink.

"You don't have to get me drunk to take advantage of me,"  Erica confidently reassured her in her lowest, smuttiest tone, beating Callie at her own dirty game.  

After a smoldering moment, both women simultaneously burst into girlish giggles.  Erica's wine almost came out her nose.  They relished finally giving voice to subterranean and harsly denied desires they had shamefully buried or learned to ignore.  Reveling in rowdy laughter, the girls earned annoyed sneers from nearby tables. 

Now emboldened by liquor, Callied wished to test Erica with a secret kept in a hidden chamber of Callie's heart.  Callie inhaled deeply and swirled the wine in her glass.  "Um...Erica?  Can I tell you a secret?" 

"Ahh...sure?"  Erica tensed at Callie's tone.

"You know that night you and me and Addison were here?  And I was dancing with Mark?"  Callie timidly asked, continuing to swirl the wine in her glass, her stomach somersaulting.

"Yeah.  That was fun for me, witnessing that,"  Erica scoffed, ruminating over that shitty night and having to watch Callie lead Mark out of the bar. Erica never slept that night.  Instead, she laid in bed, torturing herself trying not to imagine what Mark was doing to her Callie.

"What if I said I was trying to make you jealous?  Dancing with Mark?" Erica chanced a glance at Erica,  sinisterly wanting Erica to admit how much it had hurt her. To prove that it mattered to Erica who Callie danced with. 

Erica's wine glass halted in mid-air.  "I would say it worked." 

"What would you say if I said that I had wanted to go home with you that night and not Mark?"  Callie held her breathe.

"Well, I didn't think it was possible for me to hate Mark more, but I do now."  Erica again resorted to sarcasm, her coping mechanism.  Erica wasn't ready to admit how delirious Callie's confession made her.  Erica was never happier to be so miserable over someone.

The women timidly sought each other's eyes, their safe haven in the tempest of this newfound rapture between them.  First Erica's wish to see Callie naked, then Callie's confession that she wanted to take Erica home with her, not Mark.  It was dizzy-making.  Once they unlocked the door to their secret hearts, each confession prompted another one.  These long-kept secrets burst from their chests, both women needing to unburden themselves. And the alcohol helped. 

Erica downed another gluttonous mouthful of wine, feeling daring.  "Can I tell you a secret?" Erica challenged, crossing her forearms on the table and narrowing her azure, tipsy eyes at Callie.

"Yes!"  Callie yelped, slamming her empty shot glass down on the table.

"When I was watching you dance with that asshole, Mark, Addison said something like, 'She's pretty.'  And I said, 'she's beautiful.'  You were beautiful.  I couldn't take my eyes off you."  The same was true now.  Erica was riveted by Callie, brushing her knee against the inside of Callie's knee. 

"You thought I was beautiful!?"  Callie clarified, shocked.  People had commonly referred to Callie as beautiful, but it never meant anything.  But Erica's starry eyes filled with reverence and awe whenever refracting the image of Callie made Callie feel beautiful for the first time ever. 

Erica sighed, beholding the ravishing girl at her table. "You are beautiful, Callie."  Erica then averted her eyes, fretful at the effect Callie was having on her in her drunken state and in public. 

Every time Erica's courage faltered, Callie saw the kinks in Erica's armor and fell for Erica a bit more.  This was the real Erica, skittish and completely lovable.  Callie spun her foot around Erica's ankle that was resting on a rung of Erica's stool.  "Can I ask you something?"  Callie dared, tilting her head and biting her plush bottom lip. 

Erica nodded slowly, enthralled by Callie. 

"Why did you kiss me in the elevator?"  Callie put her chin in her hand and stared directly into Erica's flushed face, putting Erica on the spot.  The question had floated around Callie's brain since it happened.  She was now drunk enough to ask.  

Being held accountable for her reckless actions made Erica blush and run her fingers through her thick hair, a nervous habit.  "Because I wanted to?  I know it was silly.  Like I kissed you on a dare or something stupid and mabye I played it off like that, but honestly?  I had wanted to kiss you for a long time.  I had been thinking about it for a long time.  There was just never the right time to...do it, you know?  And it just seemed like I could do it and get away with it...? I don't know.  The truth is...I just wanted to...kiss you.  So I did."  Erica shrugged, exhaling loudly, purged of the truth. 

That was the right answer. Because she wanted to.  It wasn't a game.  It wasn't about Mark or some ridiculous threesome.  Because she wanted to kiss Callie.  Because Erica wanted Callie.  Callie snuck her hand under the table and slid her hand up the inside of Erica's knee to her mid-thigh, rubbing Erica's jeans.  "I want to kiss you.  Right.  Now,"  Callie purred, closing in on Erica's mouth.

Erica slammed her hand over Callie's, arresting Callie's hand on her own knee.  Erica yanked her head back and surveyed the room, panicstriken.  "No.  Yang and Grey and everyone are right over there!"  Erica scolded discreetly, shaking her head no. 

Callie wrestled her hand away from Erica's grip and twirled one of Erica's curls around her finger while she raptly admired Erica's face.  "I don't care about them.  I really need to kiss you...like now."  Callie licked her lips, tunnel-visioning on Erica's rosy lips.

Erica was undeniably aroused by the yearning in Callie's eyes, Callie's sultry tone, and her most primal need to kiss Erica right now.  "I really want to kiss you too, but..." Erica whispered, sliding her hand back on Callie's knee under the table.

Callie covered Erica's hand with both of her hands and toyed with Erica's fingers, examining Erica's warm palm.  "Can we go somewhere?" Callie begged, coyly searching Erica's eyes.

Erica blinked several times, distracted by Callie's ministrations on her palm.  "Where?" 

"The bathroom?" It was the nearest place she could think of. 

"No!  That's gross.  And anyone could walk in!  No!" Erica scoffed.  Erica walked the treacherous tightrope of desperation to kiss Callie and not getting caught.  

"My backseat!  I have a really big backseat and the seats fold down.  Come on-" Callie lept off her stool and tried to drag Erica behind her, caveman style.

Erica dug her feet on the ground, yanking Callie back to the table. "Callie!  Callie, no!  So someone could walk by, look in the window, and see us?  No.  We can't,"  Erica sadly whined. 

Callie slithered back to Erica, gripped Erica's hips and brutally tugged her closer. Callie's mouth brushed Erica's.  "But I need to be kissing you.  Right. Now." Callie's eyes burned intensely into Erica's eyes.  Callie panted, breathing Erica's sweet breathe.

"I know...God damn it!"  Erica scoped the bar panicked, in a tailspin, dying to get Callie alone. 

Callie squeezed Erica's hips.  "Oh, wait!  I have a blanket in my car!  We'll hide under the blanket.  And I'll move the car to the dark corner of the parking lot!  Please, Erica."  Callie hooked her fingers into the two front belt loops of Erica's jeans, yanked Erica closer, their chests colliding.  Callie shifted her mouth around to Erica's ear and breathlessly pleaded,"Please, Erica."   

Erica's knees buckled and the room spun.  "Where's your car?"  Erica demanded, lowering her voice, hatching their dirty plan. 

Callie faced Erica and bounced on the balls of her feet, ecstatic.  She was about to make-out with the Erica Hahn in the backseat of her car. "Outside."  

Erica nodded.  "Your car.  Now," Erica commanded before quickly grabbing her purse off the table.  

"Come on."  Callie grasped Erica's hand, lacing their fingers. Callie was going to lead this blonde out of the bar and kiss her senseless.  Because she wanted to.


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